“Why Do I Have to Gain Weight?”
The vast majority of people recovering from an eating disorder experience body changes, and in my professional opinion, it is unavoidable. If you are gaining weight in eating disorder recovery, it’s because you need to gain weight to survive, and over time, thrive. Any weight you lost using eating disorder behaviors shouldn’t have been lost in the first place. Furthermore, weight loss typically indicates illness or disorder, as bodies tend to naturally resist losing weight. I know that you wish you could recover without the weight gain, and you are certainly not alone in your ambivalence. Your body is an incredibly complex, wise, miraculous organism that needs your trust to fully recover from your eating disorder. Your body needs you to keep working toward acceptance of body fat in order to create the life that you truly want.
Get Support
Eating disorders typically do not spontaneously remit, meaning that they require (often long-term) treatment to heal. That’s because eating disorders are intertwined within every element of your being and life, which presents an enormous challenge to fully understand and overcome. If you are not in therapy or seeing a registered dietician specializing in eating disorders, here is a gentle reminder that you deserve support, no matter how intermittent or severe your symptoms are. I firmly recommend finding practitioners who specialize in eating disorders and work from a Health at Every Size (HAES) paradigm.
Austin Center for Eating Disorders is a group of highly specialized and compassionate therapists and dietitians. We work virtually with folks in Texas or in-person in Austin.
Reach out, we’re here for you.
Here are some practical & philosophical tips to help you along your way:
1. Get rid of “aspirational” clothing
Donate, throw out, or trade your clothes that don’t fit comfortably. As long as these clothes are hanging in your closet, your eating disorder thoughts will persist. Get yourself clothes that you like and that are comfortable on the body you have right now. Accept that you will have to continue this process for the rest of your life because bodies change over time, for everyone.
2. Develop other aspects of yourself that don’t involve appearance
In the process of recovery from an eating disorder, you must rediscover yourself. There is so much more to you than the size and shape of your body. This can be an empowering and liberating experience, as you get to find out who you really are underneath your eating disorder. Developing an evolving identity grounded in your values can also be a terrifying experience, since it means facing your raw emotions and the vast uncertainty of your body and your life- without your eating disorder. You will likely feel nostalgic for the illusion of control and certainty, and the distraction, that your eating disorder gave to you. This is normal and to be expected in recovery.
Knowing what you like, what lights up your brain with intrigue, what makes you laugh, who your people are, and what fun feels like to you will help you to cope, and to keep walking towards full recovery. This is an adventure of self-discovery- lean into it! Make time to pursue fun, pleasure, and connection- even when you are suffering (especially when you are suffering).
3. Normalize fat
Body fat is normal, healthy, and absolutely necessary for life. Having body fat is non-negotiable. Accepting your body fat- at all sizes- is the path toward eating disorder recovery. This is not a linear process, and there will be bumps along the way.
Unfollow social media pages/people who trigger body shame and perfectionism. Follow people and groups that normalize body fat and who make you feel empowered in the body you have right now. #HAES
Develop a compassionate inner dialogue about body fat:
Become aware of your thoughts when seeing body fat on others. Chances are you say hyper-critical things about other bodies as well as you own, and this does harm to you.
We all have socially conditioned thoughts about body size (i.e., fat phobia) because we live in diet culture, so I encourage you to practice self-compassion when you hear yourself saying mean things. And then- and this is the most important part- have a second, third, fourth thought that isn’t destructive and takes into account the person’s (your own?) humanity.
For example: see the joy or sadness on people’s faces; watch for acts of kindness; imagine the hardships or successes the person may be facing; understand that life is hard for all of us; wonder about the good a person brings into the world. And perhaps, you will slowly be able to speak about your own body in these terms.
“Talk back” to your eating disorder voice that lies to you about your worth being connected to your weight. For example, “My body doesn’t define me, and I am choosing to [insert recovery behavior] to have the energy and health to enjoy my life, in this body.”
Stop weighing yourself completely. You are so much more than any number.
Halt body checking. You are so much more than your shape.
Remember, bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and our shape does not define our worth, who we are, or what we have to offer this world.
These tips can be way easier said than done, especially if you struggle with anxiety or OCD. You will likely need support to really figure things out for yourself, and to get tools and strategies to manage intrusive thoughts, compulsions, or ED thoughts and urges. This is exactly what we do at ACED, and if you work with us virtually, you can do therapy and/or nutrition therapy from the comfort of your home.
4. Remember Why You Decided to Recover
Make a list of all the reasons that set you forth on your path toward recovery. You can refer back to this list in the moment of body image distress to help ground you in your values that matter most in your life. Within this seemingly simple list, you can look deeper to find a purpose and meaning that will fortify your efforts to better care for yourself.
For example, if you want to recover so that you can have fun with your friends again, it is true that connecting with people that you love is important to you. I believe that connection and quality relationships are the biggest drivers for a quality life, and I bet you do too. By walking away from eating disorder behaviors, you are healing your relationship with yourself, and thus opening the door to having fulfilling relationships with others. Your eating disorder doesn’t need to be your primary relationship anymore. Cheers to that!
5. Practice Body Respect
Focus on function rather than shape. For example, in the moment of body shame you could say: “My arms let me hug the people I love.” or “My abdomen houses all of my vital organs that sustain my life.” even “My thighs are strong and help me walk, run, and sit comfortably.”
Wear clothes, shoes, and undies that are comfortable and soft on your body.
Give yourself a foot rub and consider all that your feet do for you.
Eat the foods you love and crave.
Rest.
Move your body in ways that support your mental health.
Set boundaries around body comments. You can ask people to stop commenting on your appearance and your body. Compliments can be just as destructive as criticisms.
Compliment others on non-appearance related things.
Read more about improving body image here.
You Can Do Hard Things
Recovering from an eating disorder is possibly the most challenging thing you will do in your life, and it’s worth it. You have what it takes to keep going. You matter so much in this world, and I want you to know that there is a bright, meaningful, fulfilling, wonderfully imperfect life outside of your eating disorder, in this body. Here’s the reality: you can always go back to your eating disorder- I hope with all of my heart until the end of time that you do not- but you can. Your body is yours and no one else’s, and you must decide for yourself what is right for you. For now, experimenting with acceptance can be transformational. What if it lasts? You could reclaim your mental energy and space, your time, your joy… your life. I want that so much for you.
Get Specialized Support
The ACED team is an inclusive group of specialized therapists and dietitians who can help you to heal so you can get back to living your life.
We’re here to help. Schedule your complimentary 15-20 minute phone consultation to find out if the ACED team could be a good fit for you. If you’re ready, we’ll match you with your dream team.
Legal disclaimer: The ACED team is comprised of mental health professionals licensed to practice in the state of Texas. Reading our blog does not create a therapist-client relationship between us. Our blog is designed for informational purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for professional care. The contents of this blog should not be used to diagnose or treat illness of any kind, and before you rely on any information presented here you should consult with a trusted healthcare professional. If you are currently experiencing a mental health emergency please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.