This is the second blog post in a two part series. If you missed it, read the first part here: Part 1- Improve Your Body Image: 10 Actions to Take to Help Now.
Body Image Defined
Your body image lives in your mind and in your physical sensations, not in the appearance of your body. Therefore, changing your body shape cannot heal body image distress. This idea can provoke anxiety and resistance, and if you are feeling challenged, I understand, and you certainly aren’t alone. We live in a culture that promises happiness, success, love, and approval if we successfully shrink our bodies. Furthermore, health and wellness is largely defined by thinness.
Challenging the Cultural Beliefs About Health and Happiness
The media inundates us with images and ads featuring ultra thin models, actors, and actresses. The diet industry constantly promotes weight loss as the solution to myriad problems in life. Fitness culture promises success and health to those in “toned,” lean bodies. This creates an unconscious belief that being thin is preferable, superior, achievable, moral, and healthy. You cannot escape the rampant fat phobia and demonization of larger bodies in your world, and most likely you don’t even notice it. Pause a moment and think about the implications of the cultural message that thinness is the answer to the problems of life.
Bodies come in all shapes and sizes
There is a natural genetic diversity of body shapes and sizes. Although this concept sounds simple and somewhat obvious, it flies in the face of mainstream culture. That is, the principle of genetic diversity directly opposes the societal belief that being thin is healthier, moral, and achievable if a person is properly disciplined.
The pursuit of weight loss typically creates and exacerbates body image distress, health problems, and tends to increase weight over time, paradoxically. You can read more about this here.
Unraveling the false promises of thinness
It is true that having a smaller body affords immense social power in our culture. This phenomenon is called thin privilege, and it is completely unearned.
That said, the desire to lose weight often clouds deeper needs and desires. Underneath weight loss goals may be an unspoken yearning for acceptance, love, approval, feeling seen and truly understood, respect, purpose, fulfilling work or relationships, a sense of safety, feeling valued and needed, or feeling desired and wanted. Social media, advertising on screens and billboards, and influencers have an uncanny ability and power to convince you that thinness will get you there. Spoiler alert: it cannot.
Redefining Health and Self-Worth
In reality, losing weight in order to attain aforementioned needs is an insidious myth (read: lie) that functions to create the exact opposite of its ostensible goals. If you are able to achieve weight loss, it probably comes at an extremely high price: food obsession, social isolation, feeling out of control around food, the erosion of self-esteem, yo-yo dieting, weight cycling, weight gain, body image distress, the restrict-binge cycle, an eating disorder, the takeover of the diet mentality across every element of your life and being. And what happens if (more likely, when) the weight comes back? Perhaps you will feel like a failure and blame yourself for having poor discipline or a broken body. And, the cycle continues with the continual degradation of your sense of self and worth.
Please hear this: it is not your fault. Let’s shift the cultural belief and call it like it really is: the diet failed you, not the other way around.
You don’t have to be thin to be healthy, happy, successful, loved, accepted, or respected. Your mental health is an extremely important element of holistic health, and wellness culture and diet culture often leave it out. It’s nearly impossible to have solid mental health and self-worth while dieting. You may always wish to lose weight, and that’s ok. Try to put weight loss goals on the back burner as you consider the following (continued) 10 actions.
Each of the following 10 Actions is a non-linear process that takes time and effort, and often requires the guidance and support of a specialized professional. Please reach out for help if desired or needed.
10 Actions to Help Improve Your Body Image, continued:
Read the previous 1 - 4 actions here: Part 1- Improve Your Body Image: 10 Actions to Take to Help Now.
5. Make a List
“If I were _______________ (thin/perfect/smaller/toned/etc.) I would_______________.”
If you tend to put off things in your life until you lose X amount of weight, or have less cellulite, or look “good” in a swimsuit- this one’s for you. What are the things you really wish you could do, that you procrastinate because of your body image distress? List them out and as you consider your wants, wishes, and goals, and determine what is actually possible to do in the body you have right now.
Regardless of your body size, you are entitled to do the things on your list: travel, date, go swimming, wear cute clothes, have sex, exercise, ask for a promotion. When obstacles arise, you can use your creative, problem-solving skills to consider alternatives that will allow you to engage in some of these activities in ways that feel more comfortable.
Is it time to check something off your list?
6. Self-Talk
Evolving the way that you speak to yourself is a vital component of improving your body image. It informs the most important relationship in your life: the one with yourself. Imagine saying the cruel and ugly things you say to yourself to your best friend, your partner, your dog, or even a total stranger. Did you just cringe?
“Yelling” at yourself for your imperfect body shape will only keep you stuck in the harsh feelings of self-criticism and hatred. When you notice that you are bullying yourself, you can apologize to yourself to begin to shift your perspective. Furthermore, you can replace a negative statement with a self-compassionate statement to begin to rewire your brain, stop the spiraling, and move toward a more peaceful relationship with yourself. What would you say to a friend you overheard bullying themselves? That’s a good place to start.
Again, changing your inner dialogue takes work, time, and often the guidance of a specialized professional. Please reach out for support.
7. Practice Mental Gymnatics
Replace negative body thoughts with positive experiences related to your body. Practice collecting positive body experiences by paying attention to the moments in which you feel good in your body. As you actively notice pleasurable feelings, you can begin to understand that the belief your body is unloveable is actually not an objective fact. This practice is aimed toward developing an attitude of positive attention, care, and acceptance with yourself. When you feel overwhelmed by “bad body” thoughts, remind yourself that there are other moments in which you feel good, in this body.
What activities can you think of that bring you joy and pleasure within your physical body?
8. Write a Letter
Think of your most hated body part. Consider writing a letter to this body part and describe your feelings, beliefs, actions, and attitudes toward it. Then, and this is the most important part, have that body part respond. In your response, think about all the things that this body part actually does for you and imagine how it might feel hearing your cruel and judgmental words. This can be a powerful exercise, and may illuminate a path forward in healing your negative body image.
9. Do Something New
Reclaim your body by experiencing your physical self in new ways. By trying out a new activity, you can experience your body in new, exciting, and powerful ways. You may wish to get a professional massage, or allow a trusted loved one to give you a massage. Perhaps there is a special lotion you’d like to try, or maybe you’d like to experiment with different forms of movement. Experimenting with new types of physical sensations increases your ability to know your body and to feel comfortable in your own skin.
Strength training can be a powerful and empowering way to experience your body and practice mind/body connection. Working with a specialized, HAES-informed personal trainer is essential.
10. Build a Bubble
If you feel safe, you can set boundaries with the important people in your life, and kindly but firmly ask them to not say or do the things that cause you to stress about your body size or shape. Examples include setting limits around diet talk and verbally judging (positively or negatively) other bodies, including your own. This can be a challenging process, and I encourage you to reach out to a therapist for support and guidance.
Social media is a huge part of life, and can be both empowering and connecting, and debilitating and triggering. Remember that you are in charge of your feed, and can make adjustments to reflect your values and needs. Unfollow any people or accounts that make you feel bad about yourself, your body, or your life. Find people who inspire you and introduce you to ideas that fit with your values.
Connect with the people in your life that you can trust to support you as you walk down your path toward reconnecting with your body, and as you learn to accept, respect, and even love yourself.
Eating Disorders And Compulsive Exercise
Body image work is a huge part of eating disorder treatment, recovery from compulsive exercise and long-term dieting. If you are struggling with an eating disorder or overexercise, it is vital that you reach out for professional help.
Learn More About Body Image Therapy
Every person has a unique history and experience regarding body image. Exploring your personal experiences, needs, and beliefs in a therapy setting can be extraordinarily healing and illuminating. Learn more here.
Wherever you are in your process of healing body image or recovery, may you reject the false promises of thinness, and be in the body that you have right now.
Get Specialized Support
The ACED team is an inclusive group of specialized therapists and dietitians who can help you to heal so you can get back to living your life.
We’re here to help. Schedule your complimentary 15-20 minute phone consultation to find out if the ACED team could be a good fit for you. If you’re ready, we’ll match you with your dream team.
Reference: Beyond a Shadow of a Diet, second edition. Judith Matz & Ellen Frankel. Routledge, 2014.
Legal disclaimer: The ACED team is comprised of mental health professionals licensed to practice in the state of Texas. Reading our blog does not create a therapist-client relationship between us. Our blog is designed for informational purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for professional care. The contents of this blog should not be used to diagnose or treat illness of any kind, and before you rely on any information presented here you should consult with a trusted healthcare professional. If you are currently experiencing a mental health emergency please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.